LD Expert Podcast with Jill Stowell
Change Your Words, Change Your Brain:
5 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Talk and Improve Executive Function
Jill Stowell
Jill Stowell: You know that little voice in your head — the one that says “I’m terrible at this,” right before you even try?
It turns out, your brain is listening.
Before your child ever picks up a pencil or takes a test, their inner voice is already shaping how they’ll perform.
Today, we’re exploring the science of self-talk and how to turn that voice into a coach instead of a critic. We’ll look at five small but powerful adjustments you can make — and teach your children or students to make — that can set them up for success in 2026.
Welcome to the LD Expert Podcast, your place for answers and solutions for dyslexia and learning differences.
I’m your host, Jill Stowell, founder and executive director of Stowell Learning Centers and author of Take the Stone Out of the Shoe, A Must-Have Guide to Understanding, Supporting, and Correcting Dyslexia, Learning, and Attention Challenges.
At Stowell Learning Centers, we work with children and families like yours - helping parents understand what’s going on when bright students struggle in school and what can be done to change that permanently, and we understand that having a child with a learning or attention challenge can be very lonely for a parent. You feel like you’re the only one whose child is struggling and you don’t know who to talk to. This podcast is for you. We’ll equip you with knowledge and practical tools for understanding and helping your child. If this episode brings up any questions for you please put them in the comments or go to stowellcenter.com and give us a call.
I love neuroscience. How our brain thinks and learns and operates is fascinating to me. One of the things we all do is self-talk - talking to ourselves in our mind with our inner voice.
And it turns out, self-talk is really powerful. If we can manage our own self-talk, it helps us and others around us, and if we can guide our kids in being aware of and managing their self-talk, we are giving them a powerful tool for problem solving, emotional regulation, and life.
So, let’s dive into 5 ways to upgrade your self-talk.
One of the things that’s very interesting is that our brain listens to what we say to ourselves. It doesn’t evaluate if it’s good or bad but if we say something over and over to ourselves, it listens and believes us.
If you are constantly saying to yourself, “I’ll never get this. I’m not good at this. My teacher hates me,” your brain will begin to believe you and act accordingly, whether it’s true or not.
So here’s your first tip - Talk to yourself like it matters - because it does!
Our internal dialogue is really important because this is one of the key ways that we think through things, strategize, and problem solve. It’s a key piece of executive function. When we talk to ourselves, we tend to use the first person - “I need to do better.” “I feel anxious about this.” “I need to try something different next time.”
But here’s something I recently learned from Dr. Andrew Huberman,” While it seems natural to talk to ourselves in the first person, studies in cognitive neuroscience and sports psychology show that this is limiting, especially under stress.
So here’s tip number 2. Become your own coach. Speak to yourself in the 2nd person.
Instead of saying, “I can do this.” Say, “You can do this.” Instead of saying, “I’ve got this,” say to yourself, “ You’ve got this.”
Using the second person, allows you to step back and coach yourself. When you say, “You’ve got this,” your brain responds as though a trusted coach or mentor is guiding you and that can have a profound impact on increasing compliance and reducing resistance.
Number 3. Choose your mindset carefully. I love the idea behind Growth Mindset conceived by Dr. Carol Dweck and her colleagues at Stanford University. Instead of limiting ourselves by saying, “I can’t do this,” add the little word “yet.” “I can’t do this yet.” “I haven’t learned this yet.” Now you’re opening the door to growth.
Sometimes with our students, if they’re working on something really hard, they feel like they can’t get it. And if we say, “You can do it,” they may not believe us, because it’s hard. But if we say, You just haven’t got it, yet. We’ll get there.” That’s an entirely different message.
Self-talk is one of the most consistent inputs that our brain gets. We know that the brain can rewire itself and create new neuropathways. This is called neuroplasticity and it happens with intensity and repetition. So if you’re constantly telling yourself what you can’t do, your brain is going to hardwire that in. So let’s teach our kids and ourselves to use empowering self-talk.
I remember a student who was always saying negative and self-defeating things about himself, so we hung a long piece of newsprint on the door with a header that said 100 things I like about me. The first thing he had to do every session was add something positive about himself to the list on the door. It didn’t matter what it was as long as it was positive or at least neutral. It was really challenging for him at first, but it became easier and more fun because his brain was adopting a new mindset. And eventually, the whole door was this big long list of things he liked about himself. That’s incredibly empowering.
Number 4: Label negative self-talk. Remember, if we say something over and over to ourselves, our brain believes our brain believes us - even if it’s not true.. If we’re feeding our brain negative self-talk like, “I’m going to fail,” or “This is going to be too hard” we’re activating the emotional part of the brain (the amygdala) and we’re putting ourselves in a constant state of crisis or fear.
If we can help ourselves and our kids to recognize the negative self-talk and turn it around and say, “That’s a thought, but it’s not a fact,” we can shift our brain activity away from the amygdala and towards the prefrontal cortex, or the logical, rational, thinking part of the brain.
Consistently practicing labeling negative thoughts in this way - as a thought, not a fact - over time, increases emotional regulation and reduces stress.
Here’s our 5th and last self-talk tool for today: Precision is the name of the game.
Think about a pit crew working on a race car. Not only does every second count, but every precise detail counts. If the crew is not precise and specific, it’s going to lead to a crash - to a disaster.
When we work with struggling students, using vague or general praise, like, “Good job” or “You’re doing great,” can backfire. Kids know when they’re struggling. They know when their work is slower or not as good as their peers. So saying that they did a good job, may feel like a lie to them. So being specific is really important and it reinforces things that you want them to do again.
Let’s take a dysgraphic student for example. Kids who struggle with dysgraphia may have great difficulty with writing and spacing of letters and words on the page. Instead of saying, “Good job,” when they’ve finished writing their sentence or paragraph, point out specific things that they did well. “Look how evenly spaced these words are,” or “Wow, great job remembering to indent and then start every line at the margin.” This is a very effective way to praise students and it’s an effective way to speak to ourselves as well.
Instead of saying, “You’re great,” try saying something more specific like, “You’ve prepared for this—you’ve done this before.”
When we use that kind of precise language, it actually helps the thinking part of the brain—the prefrontal cortex—to stay online. It reminds the brain, Hey, I know how to do this, and strengthens the pathways that support calm, confident action.
When we use vague affirmations like, “You’ve got this,” sometimes the brain kinda goes, Uh… do I? and that creates a little mental disconnect. But when you’re specific—when you remind yourself or your child of something real you’ve already done—it builds coherence. The brain aligns what you say, what you believe, and what you do. And that’s when confidence really starts to stick.
We want our kids and teens to use their self-talk as a success tool. So let’s be intentional about helping them be aware of what’s going on in their head - what they are saying to themselves, and model and guide them in ways that they can use their internal dialogue to their advantage.
This doesn’t happen all in one go - it takes consistent awareness and practice, but managing our self-talk is a life skill that supports emotional regulation, and problem solving, and getting things done, and confidence. It can make everything flow a little easier.
So once again, here are the five self-talk tips:
- Talk to yourself like it matters - because it does.
- Be your own coach (talk to yourself in the 2nd person).
- Choose your mindset carefully.
- Label negative self talk as a thought, not a fact.
- Precision is the name of the game. Be specific when you give praise and in your own self-talk.
Self-talk is a powerful part of executive function, so choose one of these self-talk tools for you and your child to start using today. Tell us in the comments which one you are starting with so we can cheer you on.
If today’s conversation on self-talk and executive function resonated with you, you’ll love our most-watched episode with Sarah Ward. She shares simple, life-changing tools to help kids see their future actions, build independence, and turn chaotic mornings into calm, confident routines. It’s one of the most powerful episodes we’ve ever done—we’ll put the link in the show notes.
At Stowell Learning Centers, we help children and adults move beyond learning and attention challenges — including dyslexia — by strengthening the underlying skills that make learning easier.
When those skills get stronger, everything changes — reading, writing, focus, confidence, even the stress around school.
If this episode encouraged you, please like, subscribe, and share it with another parent who needs to know that real change is possible.
