Episode 88: Helping Teens and Young Adults Grow Real-World Friendship Skills – Molly Stuckey

LD Expert Podcast with Jill Stowell
Helping Teens and Young Adults Grow Real-World Friendship Skills
Molly Stuckey

 

Jill Stowell: You can see it, even if they don't say it. Your teen or young adult scrolls through lunch instead of talking. They just shrug when you ask about friends and they insist they're fine. But underneath, you can feel the loneliness. Today's teens and young adults are navigating a whole new world of friendship, a world that we don't really even understand that's built around group chats and screens and shifting social rules. No wonder connection feels harder than ever.

 

But here's the hopeful part. Friendship isn't luck. It isn't just personality. It's a skill and skills can be taught and strengthened and supported. In this episode, I'm joined by speech language pathologist and social skills expert, Molly Stuckey, to talk about what's really going on when teens struggle to connect and how we can help them build confidence, flexibility and real lasting friendships.

 

Welcome to the LD Expert podcast, your place for answers and solutions for dyslexia and learning differences.

 

I'm your host, Jill Stowell, founder and executive director of Stowell Learning Centers and author of “Take the Stone Out of the Shoe: A Must-Have Guide to Understanding, Supporting, and Correcting Dyslexia, Learning, and Attention Challenges”.

 

At Stowell Learning Centers, we work with children and families just like yours, helping parents understand what's going on when bright students struggle in school and what can be done to change that permanently. Having a child dealing with dyslexia or a learning challenge can be very lonely for a parent. You feel like you're the only one and you don't know who to talk to.

 

This podcast is for you. We want to equip you with knowledge and practical tools for understanding and helping your child. If this episode brings up any questions for you, please post them in the comments or go to stowellcenter.com and give us a call.

 

Today, we're talking about something very close to every parent's heart – friendship. We all want our kids to feel connected and have real friends. My guest today, Molly Stuckey, is the perfect person to explore this with. Molly is the mom of two teenage daughters. She spent over 20 years as the founder and owner of Coastal Speech Therapy in Newport Beach, California, and then went on to create Friendship Builders. And I'm going to let her share with you how that came about. So welcome, Molly.

 

Molly Stuckey: Thank you.

 

Jill Stowell: I'm really looking forward to this conversation.

 

Molly Stuckey: I am too. Thank you so much, Jill. I'm so excited to share all of my knowledge and practical tools with parents who are really struggling with the competition with technology and also having a hard time with interpersonal communication with their teen and child.

 

So yeah, I have been a practicing speech and language pathologist for about 23 years. And I did find that after owning Coastal Speech Therapy, I was struggling managing 10 employees and found that that was less fulfilling than actually working directly with my clients.

 

So, I did sell the company in 2020. And then following that during COVID, I recognized the painful struggles that not just neurodiverse children, but neurotypical children, teens, and even adults were faced with. Some examples are social anxiety, impulsiveness, frustration tolerance, emotional regulation, and social fears and phobias.

 

So, recognizing this, I took another leap of faith and I founded Friendship Builders. We started at a park with no screens, no masks. And I had parents sign a waiver that if their child got COVID, we wouldn't be sued. So, it was sort of grassroots. We just did everything we could to help out these children and teens who needed interpersonal communication and friendships.

 

Jill Stowell: And so now Friendship Builders is what?

 

Molly Stuckey: Now we have a brick and mortar. So now our office is right by John Wayne in Newport on DuPont. And we offer small social skills groups targeting cognitive flexibility, self-regulation, reading the room, anything from perspective taking, problem solving, just becoming more socially aware. And my goal, to be honest with you, Jill, was I wanted to provide a safe, organic space to bridge the gap from social isolation to socializing.

 

And our groups are paired based on the child, teen and adults’ social-emotional developmental age, not chronological age or gender. And so those groups can look quite different depending on who we're matched with.

 

Jill Stowell: Great. And so, you work with students, kids, teens, young adults, but you work in small groups then because you've got to have that interaction to really get your hands on it and deal with it real life. I mean that's very different than learning what the skills are supposed to be and actually putting them into practice.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yes.

 

Jill Stowell: So, as your kids go through a period of time in a friendship-building group, what changes do you see for them?

 

Molly Stuckey: That's a great question, Jill. I think that my goal is to help the clients generalize and transfer those social skills that they're developing in our sessions. The goal is not to have them – it's like progress over perfection, right? But I want to see the progress not only in real time in our groups, but really, I want them generalizing across different environments, contacts with different relationships. And I encourage each client to strengthen their self-awareness, which in turn supports self-regulation and impulse control.

 

So, when we can regulate our emotions and our behaviors, we naturally build self-esteem and self-confidence. That's my goal. And that's achieved honestly through positive and successful social interactions. And these interactions, I mean, honestly, they can look so different for everyone and depending on their age and their goals and their personal values, whether that means it's important for that person to become a better friend or a better partner, or a colleague or a parent or a communicator. That can look quite different depending on what their goals and values are.

 

But I mean, after just a couple of sessions, honestly, I mean, most of my clients report feeling more confident and they're able to enter new and familiar environments. They can use friendly, appropriate greetings. They're smiling. They're using eye contact, body posture. They just walk in with their shoulders or back to make a really positive first impression. And my clients, they also just gain practical tools for initiating and maintaining conversations.

 

We work on icebreakers, offering simple, concise responses, showing genuine interest in others through empathetic, active listening. What does that look like? You know, what does active listening look like?

 

Jill Stowell: Right.

 

Molly Stuckey: I mean, honestly, whether they're striving to land their dream job or build healthier relationships or manage screen time, or even if it's recouping after rejection, navigating social media, I mean, the list goes on and on and on. But ultimately my goal is to help each and every client enhance their social communication skills because I want them honestly connecting authentically.

 

Jill Stowell: Right.

 

Molly Stuckey: Authentically with accountability with others, and just to find their community, find their people. I want them to be able to live happier, more fulfilling lives.

 

Jill Stowell: And you know, that really – I do want to focus on teens and young adults today, but really we see exactly what you were saying. As soon as we start to build underlying skills, build the foundation, their confidence increases. And we see at our learning centers that we might be working on auditory processing or body control. But that as soon as they start to feel a greater sense of control in themselves, then that boosts up their confidence. And they do feel better.

 

Molly Stuckey: Absolutely.

 

Jill Stowell: And so, I imagine with the work that you're doing, you're really focusing on friendships and social communication, but I'll bet that impacts school performance as well, because they feel better about themselves.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah. Right. I mean, I think if a child's regulated in school and they're not worried about where they're going to sit at lunch or who they're going to play with or who they're going to hang out with after school or who they're going to be bullied by, then they can sustain attention to the lesson.

 

Jill Stowell: Right. I mean, there are just so many pieces. And so that social piece is huge. And often, you know, when kids are struggling in school, we tend to focus on the academics and at our center, we know we have to go beneath that. But we're still focusing on what are the skills we need for the brain to be ready to take in these academics. But one of the things that is a huge impact that you just mentioned is, boy, if I'm worried about who I'm going to be bullied by or where I'm going to sit at lunch or just how did people think about me when I said something in class, that is a huge interference with learning and memory and attention. Yeah.

 

Molly Stuckey: I mean, how could it not?

 

Jill Stowell: Right. So, I want to focus a little bit on young adults and teens. And I would just say to parents who have younger children, really everything we're talking about applies to people of any age. It's just developmentally at different ages, there are different expectations, but generally it applies. So, let's think about the impact of COVID. Our teens and young adults were five years younger than they are now.

 

Molly Stuckey: Right.

 

Jill Stowell: That would have been in their lives a really important time where kids are learning how to work together and be flexible and maintain friendships. So, talk a little bit about the impact of COVID on today's teens and young adults.

 

Molly Stuckey: That's such a great question because when I first started Friendship Builders, being a pediatric speech and language pathologist, I immediately went to children. But then the more I started working with the children, I was recognizing that actually – and having two teens myself, two teen girls, 16 and 19, and even just seeing how COVID affected them, I thought, well, this is actually more pervasive in our culture than just children. This is affecting now adolescents, teens.

 

And then when I started expressing what I was doing with just Friends, people would respond, “Well, I know adults who could benefit from this.” And I said, “Okay. Well, maybe there's a niche that's not being met there.” So really, it is pervasive, children, adolescent, teens, and adults.

 

And children and teens, they need like opportunities for play and independent exploration to develop into competent and confident and thriving adults, right? But unfortunately, those play-based childhood interactions stopped during COVID. I mean, halted. But it started actually to decline in the 1980s. And it almost disappeared with the rise of the smartphone.

 

So, we kind of became like this phone-based childhood around 2010, when we went from the flip phone to the smartphone. And the introduction of the smartphones has fundamentally rewired children's brains. It has disrupted critical aspects of social and neurological development. And the shift contributed to kind of like a widespread challenge. I mean, our kids and teens were having a hard time with sleep and attention, addiction, loneliness, social comparisons, perfectionisms. You're comparing yourself on social media. And then during COVID, I know that technology became a necessity. I'm realistic and pragmatic about that. I mean, even my children, they were doing online school. I was doing online speech. So, it was important for education and work, entertainment, social interaction. But, I mean, it was vital, but this reliance on screens, it came at a cost. And without the opportunity for the real-world social engagement, a lot of children and families, we experienced a loss of that interpersonal communication and physical touch.

 

And this, honestly, it led to communication that almost kind of always felt rushed and sort of detached, and just quite frankly, like impersonal. And these challenges and these changes have had lasting effects on relationships, on empathy, and just our own emotional well-being, creating a lot of anxiety. Because I don't know about you, but I'm always feeling rushed. Like this technology makes me feel like my brain should be going a million miles faster than it actually is. Like, I can't keep up.

 

So, the pings and the dings and anyway. So, connecting with friends and family, like in shared physical space, I'm trying to do that. So, I'm trying to offer just the psychological and the physiological benefits of just being in the same space, sharing space because it does include like an enhanced sense of belonging, reduced feelings of loneliness, anxiety, depression.

 

So yeah, I mean, it can't replace technology. It can't replace the neurochemical and the emotional rewards of genuine human connection and interaction. So, I've done a lot of research and what I found through evidence-based practices is that eye contact and physical touch actually activate your brain's pleasure and bonding centers.

 

So that's located in your midbrain, which is your limbic system. So, your amygdala and your hippocampus. So those, when activated with eye contact and touch, they trigger the release of serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins. And so, when we deprive ourselves of these essential human experiences, individuals were just more vulnerable to anxiety and depression and emotional dysregulation, just because we're not receiving these neurotransmitters.

 

Jill Stowell: I like the idea of having groups that are safe and supported and guided so that they can feel secure in connecting with each other because there's some guidance and structure around that. So, I'm sure that's really helpful.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah.

 

Jill Stowell: When you think about what teens and young adults need, the skills that they need to feel comfortable socially, what are some of the first skills that you've seen are either missing or that you just want to make sure you really help them develop it? Because this is going to be the starting point for them.

 

Molly Stuckey: Well, I mean, I think we've lost social etiquette. I mean, whether that's looking at your phone when you're out at dinner or basic conversational skills. I'm finding that a lot of people are having a hard time initiating and maintaining conversations, expressing empathy, problem-solving collaboratively with others, managing frustration and impulse control. And our society, we've just grown less socially-conscious and less socially-aware. I mean, I think even just we're less likely to greet someone and with a warm smile. But the non-verbal subtle social cues like eye contact, smiling, positive facial expressions, appropriate greetings. I mean, even my 16-year-old, I remember her saying like four years ago during the pandemic, “Mom, if they're wearing a mask, how do I greet an adult? Do I shake their hand?” I said, “Yes, you look in their eye, you have a smile. Hi mister and missus.”

 

So, we were all just honestly flying by the seat of our pants and we didn't really know what the social etiquette was. But along with verbal skills like commenting, talking, taking conversational turns, building friend files, all of those tools, those skills, those strategies can be taught and they can significantly help reduce social anxiety. I mean, and honestly, just increased comfort in social situations.

 

Jill Stowell: Well, if you understand the rules or you understand the skills, then you are going to feel more comfortable.

 

Molly Stuckey: Absolutely.

 

Jill Stowell: And especially you get an opportunity to practice them. Are there some ways that parents just on a daily basis can kind of help their kids, teens, young adults to build these things?

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah. Well, I think first we need to recognize is it a skill or is it a will? I mean, is it they don't want to be social because of anxiety or being introverted or shy or is it they don't know how to? But there are, there's tools. I mean, I teach friend files. So, friend files are developed gradually through genuine curiosity. Asking questions about the other person's interests or experiences, or even just like topics that they mentioned in previous conversations. We talked about the two Ws, what was the weekend like and weather, or if it's a Friday. What are you doing this weekend? Or if it's a Monday, hey, how was your weekend? If it's sunny, oh, don't you just love this weather?

 

So, there are like little tools that I teach to help alleviate this anxiety. So, they know how to enter into a new or a familiar environment. And this process, it helps strengthen connection and trust and relational depth over time. So also, I want to teach clients how to read the room.

 

And if you can look at the room and make a – use your eyes and your brain to make a quick judgment of what someone's thinking, feeling, saying, if they're a kind or an unkind person, it'll help you understand how to join into an ongoing conversation or with whom you want to speak with, and also to be a social chameleon. We talk a lot about being a social chameleon. So, we're able to adapt and blend in to the environment. That's tough. I mean, that does not …

 

Jill Stowell: It is.

 

Molly Stuckey: I mean, even for me, it comes instinctually. It's still hard. I still have to tell myself how to do it, right? But to be honest, it's an essential skill for teens and young adults. To be a charismatic, likable person, right?

 

Jill Stowell: Right, right. And those are things that if as parents we're aware and we just have conversations with our kids about that and notice and kind of – it's like, we can't assume those skills are in place. I mean, for five years, we have – well, for much longer than five years, we've become increasingly more dependent on the phone in our hand. But then with COVID and with the masks and the isolation and everything, a lot of those skills did not have the opportunity to develop naturally.

 

And so, we need to talk about them, talk about reading the room. And when you go somewhere, maybe just start with – you're going to a pizza place. When they walk in the door, look around and notice. Are there people playing foosball? Where do you order the pizza? How is it arranged, you know?

 

Molly Stuckey: But guess what, if they're not looking – I'm so sorry to interrupt. Go ahead, as you were saying.

 

Jill Stowell: No, no, go ahead.

 

Molly Stuckey: I was just saying, we're not going to notice if we're looking at our phone.

 

Jill Stowell: Right, right.

 

Molly Stuckey: That's where your eye contact is.

 

Jill Stowell: Right. And we've learned that. So as parents, we can kind of stimulate that by, hey, when we go in, when we go through the door, notice this or, you know. And so, we're just starting to teach them to be aware of a bigger environment.

 

Molly Stuckey: You're right. But the challenge that my parents face by the time they come to me is they feel like they're nagging, right? I've literally said the same thing to my teen or adolescent or young adult a thousand times and they're just not listening to me. So that's why they come to me because they say, well, maybe if they hear it from a professional through a natural organic environment, maybe then it will click.

 

Jill Stowell: Right.

 

Molly Stuckey: But yeah, as a parent, you feel like a broken record sometimes.

 

Jill Stowell: It can.

 

Molly Stuckey: But I'm not diminishing the importance of it or discouraging to try, but I'm just saying it's a reality.

 

Jill Stowell: Right, right. Oh, I agree. And we tend to want to fix things. We want our kids to be happy and successful and we know the answers, so do this. But it could just start with, hey, let's play a little game here.

 

When you go in, tell me one thing you noticed and I'll tell you one thing I noticed. And so, it's just sort of incidental teaching. It's not, you have to do this.

 

Molly Stuckey: I love that. We do a fun activity in our clinic. I'll look at something in the room. It can be random. It doesn't matter what it is. And I'll ask the others to guess what I'm thinking about. So joint reference, right? They have to look at what I'm looking at. So joint attention and guess what I'm thinking about? I'm thinking about that picture over there. How do you know I'm thinking about it? Because I'm looking at it.

 

So, our eyes are like arrows pointing in the direction of what we're thinking about. So how can I know if you're paying attention or even care about what I'm saying if you're not looking at me? So, I mean, that's a whole another lesson that we talk about.

 

Jill Stowell: But I love that. That is really concrete. Our eyes are like arrows.

 

Molly Stuckey: Pointing in the direction of what we're thinking about. Yeah.

 

Jill Stowell: Yeah, and playing a game with it. Can you guess, can you be a mind reader and guess what I'm thinking about?

 

Molly Stuckey: Right, and now it's your turn. You get to do it.

 

Jill Stowell: Yeah.

 

Molly Stuckey: Right.

 

Jill Stowell: Yeah, that's very cool.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah, that's fun.

 

Jill Stowell: So, I want to talk about the idea of theory of mind.

 

Molly Stuckey: Oh, I love this topic.

 

Jill Stowell: Yeah, so talk a little bit about that because I think it's so important. And for many of our students, our older students in particular, when this is becoming really important, it's tough.

 

Molly Stuckey: It is really hard. Theory of mind, and I'm going to speak about theory of mind for the layman, because it's very complicated. Okay, so we use our eyes and our brain together to make informed guesses about what other people might be thinking, feeling, or communicating. Okay? And those guesses are made by looking at those subtle nonverbal cues.

 

Are they smiling? What do their eyebrows look like? Are they furrowing their brows? So basically, I want to teach people how to read the room, which we were talking about earlier, to observe, interpret those subtle social signals. It's a really important skill because it will help us determine how we should act and if we want to approach them or how to respond to them. And also, we need to ask ourselves, “Do my friends seem bored?” You know, do they seem irritated or anxious or rushed? So accurately reading these subtle social cues allows us to adjust our own behavior and language to respond appropriately.

 

And then this in turn, I truly know, will help foster empathy and stronger connections. So, this is a side note. When I owned Coastal Speech Therapy, we were slow one summer and I had an intern. She was an amazing artist. And my oldest daughter has, well, let's just say difficulty with flexibility, and I don't want to get too detailed because that's her story to share. But I went to the library to find a book on cognitive flexibility, and I couldn't find anything. So, I wrote a book called Flexi Lexi, and it's all about being conscientious, so considerate, kind, cooperative, collaborative, and just flexible.

 

And that kind of goes into, embedded into theory of mind. But the problem is during the pandemic, when we were wearing masks, it made this process like even more challenging to be flexible to read the room too. And because when our face was masked, it became harder to read the expressions on someone else's face.

 

And then to make an educated decision if they were like kind or approachable or upset. And so, I believe, I mean, in my opinion, this uncertainty contributed to a lot of social anxiety, and just discomfort, right, with social interactions.

 

Jill Stowell: Yeah. So, I was thinking this whole idea of being able to, in a sense, step into someone else's shoes, and understand what they're thinking or feeling, or being able to see their perspective, even if it's different than yours. That's really hard. And for a lot of our students who struggle in this area, reading someone's face, and, and knowing if they're bored, or if they're excited, or is hard.

 

And so, as you were talking about it, I thought, well, how could we make that even more concrete for students? And I was thinking, okay, well, if you have a pet, a dog, how can you tell when your dog is really excited?

 

Molly Stuckey: That's a great example.

 

Jill Stowell: We might even start at that level, you know, and then say, “Okay, well, what does it look like when your friend is really excited about what you're saying, or not?”

 

Molly Stuckey: Well, a lot of it is just reading. I mean, we work a lot on this is looking at a social scenario and how are they feeling. Most importantly, how do you know?

 

Jill Stowell: Yes.

 

Molly Stuckey: I'm talking about getting as detailed as what their lips look like, what their eyebrows look like? What does their body posture look like? And then emotional vocabulary, because we're going from everything's happy and sad, to a rainbow of emotions, right? Overwhelmed, distraught, crestfallen, or overjoyed, right? So, we need to work on emotional vocabulary as well.

 

But yeah, I mean, I definitely think, just to kind of go back on what you were saying that it is – it can be really difficult to do this. And I mean, it's a difficult thing, perspective taking and looking at a situation through a different lens. We all have different lenses of how – take, this is a great example we use a lot. There’s a cat. So, you can have the same cat. But let's just say Sally has fear when she sees that cat. Why? Because of her background experiences.

 

So, she feels fear because maybe she got scratched by a or something like that. Then we got Johnny. Johnny is sad when he sees the cat. Why is he sad? Maybe his cat died, you know, two years ago.

 

You got Bobby, and Bobby's super excited and happy when he sees a cat. Why? Maybe he got a cat for Christmas last year, and he has always wanted a cat. So, what I'm trying to say is you can have the same object or experience and different perspectives and lenses based on your background knowledge and experience of that.

 

Jill Stowell: And I love that because it really does reinforce the idea that these are skills. And so, if we break that down, we can start to build those skills.

 

Molly Stuckey: Absolutely.

 

Jill Stowell: That's really encouraging, you know, for people of any age that have struggled with friendships.

 

Molly Stuckey: Absolutely. Because every friend wants to be understood.

 

Jill Stowell: Right.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah.

 

Jill Stowell: So, I want to ask you about screen time. And, you know, if you recognize in your family with your kids, your young adults, wow, we need more face-to-face interaction. And, you know, that screen is getting in the way all the time. And there's a lot of friction around that, especially with teens. Wow. Do you have any, any nuggets for parents about how to approach that?

 

Molly Stuckey: Well, from a personal parental perspective, myself, not just professional, I have two teenage girls, so I get it. I mean, it's real. And it can be really hard to set and maintain realistic expectations around like how much, you know, time our children or teens, even as we as adults spend on our screen. And research has clearly shown that too much or unstructured screen time or not being mindful about what you're looking at and what you're scrolling through and, you know, what feeds you're looking at, that can affect your focus, your sleep, your mood and just your connection with others.

 

So just having an open and honest conversation with our children or teens about screen use, I feel like it's a starting point, right?

 

Jill Stowell: Absolutely.

 

Molly Stuckey: And we just have to be brave enough and not intimidated by technology. It's also important to sort of gently acknowledge that we're all like competing for time and attention. And with those devices and apps, they're specifically designed to keep us engaged, reducing our attention for other people by just talking about these challenges together as families can work towards healthier, maybe healthier routines. So, to increase face to face communication and, I mean, I also think that like it would be kind great to work on having shared time together, whether it's like making coffee with each other in the morning or taking your dog for a walk or getting your nails done, having intentional, scheduled, consistent – carving out those intentional experiences with your team really helps.

 

I mean, it has helped me a lot, even just like, okay, every other Saturday, we're getting our nails done together or we're going to go for – it doesn't have to cost any money. We're going to go for a walk together or whatever, go to the store together.

 

Jill Stowell: I love that. Wow. You said so much in there. You know, I think sometimes we feel like as parents or educators, I think we know what someone needs to do and we want to tell them that. But if we educate them, you know, so really, I mean, educating our kids about screen time and clearly there are good things, but there are also some dangers. And so, educate, you know, just having a conversation together about, you know, what all that screen time does.

 

And then I loved what you said about we're all competing for time with each other. And so, if you know, if we're saying to our team, “Man, I just love spending time with you. And could we carve out some space?” Maybe it's just that we make coffee together in the morning.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah.

 

Jill Stowell: Or we say, you know, before you jump into your sports and your homework and all that, let's take a 10-minute walk because I love spending time with you. So, then it doesn't feel like a punishment. It's really, you know, a genuine way to get time together.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah, absolutely.

 

Jill Stowell: I kind of think the world is beginning to crave that.

 

Molly Stuckey: Absolutely, we miss it.

 

Jill Stowell: Yeah, yeah. So, we are right in the thick of the holidays. And I wanted to ask you, you know, for anybody, really, but children, teens, young adults who tend to get dysregulated and overwhelmed when there are too many new people, too many people in their space. Do you have any suggestions that – you know, of how parents might help them to stay regulated and a part of things without being overwhelmed?

 

Molly Stuckey: That’s such a great question. Just because I remember how stressful the holidays were. My kids were younger. I was like, oh, my gosh. But I do think that establishing clear and realistic expectations in advance can prevent frustration and just promote open, supportive communication, not just with your own child, but also with everyone, all family members. So, I think proactively we call it priming in our industry. Priming means talking about in a loving way, reasonable expectations, right? What to expect, what's expected of them, what they expect of you.

 

Like, how do you think this is going to go? What's hard? What's hard about sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table for three hours with family members you only see once a year.

 

Jill Stowell: Right.

 

Molly Stuckey: When you already have social pragmatic issues. But I think talking openly and honestly about that helps everyone just feel more prepared and emotionally regulated. But specifically, I think to support that comfort and that connection, maybe considering offering choices, right? Everyone wants to feel in control.

 

Jill Stowell: Right.

 

Molly Stuckey: So, let's give some choices that – like letting them decide where they want to sit, or maybe they could put the place cards out. I don't know how formal everyone's Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner is, but – or even if they celebrate it. But whatever it is, if you're sitting around the table, no matter what the holiday or religion is, you know, they could decide where they sit, or maybe even how long they want to remain seated. These small tiny adjustments can make family gatherings just feel a little bit more predictable, and less overwhelming and stressful.

 

But it's also important to recognize, in my opinion, that feelings of embarrassment or even perceived judgment from other family members about our teen’s behavior can be really natural for parents. And we have to give ourselves permission and grace to say, “That's okay.” It's okay to be nervous. You're not the only one. Everyone's like – you know, so it can be overwhelming, not just for the kids, but also the parents and just understanding that certain environmental or social demands just may exceed that person's little capacities or their sensory ability or emotional capacity. And it just allows us to respond to them with empathy rather than frustration or judgment.

 

Jill Stowell: Yeah.

 

Molly Stuckey: With criticism. And I think when we naturally lead with understanding and flexibility, we create opportunities like just for more meaningful connection. And that leads to positive shared experiences. Like when you're frustrated, I'm here for you. You know, I can see that you're feeling dysregulated. I can see you're feeling like you've got the wiggles, you know, or I can see that you're fidgety, or the worry monster is back. Put a name to it. Separate it from the person.

 

Jill Stowell: I like that.

 

Molly Stuckey: It's not me. It's like, oh, the worry bug is back, whatever you want to call it, the – I've got the fidgets again, or whatever it is, and then it's okay to talk about it. And then there's no shame in it. There's no shame in the anxiety or in the impulsivity.

 

Jill Stowell: Great. Thank you for that. So, before we wrap up, can you think of one thing a parent might do as a starting point to support their teen or young adult? If they're kind of recognizing them in this conversation, what would be one tiny thing? Because we're all busy and overwhelmed with lots of stuff, but one little step they could make to support their teen or young adult with their social skill.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah. I mean, I just can't overemphasize the importance of discussing your concerns. It's okay. It's okay to say, I'm really scared about this technology, and how it might be changing your attention or you're noticing that – but then also understanding that we need to maintain realistic expectations. We're not going to eliminate technology from our lives, nor should we. It has a place. It expedites communication. That's what it was intended for. But we want a healthy balance, right? And we want intentionality with our use. Rather than just restricting it, we need to manage it, because it’s not going anywhere.

 

So, one of the most effective ways, I think, to strengthen connection is just that consistent intentional moments together. Like I said before, scheduling routine activities, just even a brief chat, like these just small – even just getting in the car, right? I find that the best conversations with my kids are in the car because they just can't go anywhere. They're just stuck there with me.

 

Jill Stowell: That one-on-one car time was priceless.

 

Molly Stuckey: Right? Oh, and then they get their license and you never see them again. But anyway, but yeah, they do matter. And just showing that your child or your teen or even young adult matter to you. And they come first and you can do that through modeling. Whether they come in the room, you put your phone down. You're not looking at your phone. You know, you're looking at them. Whether you go out to dinner, you put all the phones in a pile, phone pile. Or you know, you have a talking stick at the table. Okay. It's your talking turn. It's your talking turn. It's my listening turn. You'll be surprised how hard it is to interrupt or passing the question back.

 

Okay. What was your high and low today? What was the best and worst or a challenging moment and a great moment? You know, pass the question back, you know. Continue that circle of communication. So those are just some tools that you can use.

 

Jill Stowell: Those are great tools.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah.

 

Jill Stowell: Well, Molly, how can our listeners learn more about you and about Friendship Builders and get in touch with you?

 

Molly Stuckey: Okay. Well, so my website is friendshipbuilders.org. I also am on Instagram at Friendship Builders. And you can always call me on, you know, on the business phone. I would be more than happy to discuss our programs and answer any questions that our listeners might have. But thank you so much for inviting me.

 

I could literally talk about this for hours and hours. I'm so passionate about this. So, thank you for giving me this opportunity to be able to do that.

 

Jill Stowell: I feel like what you're offering to families here in Southern California is, is such a gift because these are skills, but they do need some guidance in being built sometimes. And so, I love that. For our listeners outside of Southern California, what are some key things that parents should look for if they're trying to find help with social skills or friendship building skills for their children or young adults?

 

Molly Stuckey: Wow. That's a great question. So, our governing board, ASHA, American Speech and Hearing Association, they're in Maryland. They can be contacted for information on other agencies that may offer social skills groups. I will be honest, most social skills groups are geared towards neurodivergent kids, teens, and adults, maybe taught by ABA therapists. But if they want it to be coached, trained by a speech and language pathologist, ASHA would be the way to go because that's our governing board.

 

Jill Stowell: Okay, great. And I do think one of the things you and I talked about a little bit was just how important it is to actually have a group so that they could practice these skills in real time. And I realized that's not that easy to find, but that would be something.

 

Molly Stuckey: Yeah, having a group. Yeah, I think, well, because I'm building my teen and adult groups, but I also believe that, yeah, having a shared consistent time and space to share your social dilemmas with like-minded people, there's so much healing and therapy in just even that.

 

Jill Stowell: Right.

 

Molly Stuckey: So, whether that's finding local meetup groups that you can, you know, connect with on – literally on Meetup. It's an app. I just found out the other day it's called Meetup. That's neat. Or even just join your local – if you're in church, maybe a church group or different walks. You know, different – there are different walking groups. Just getting out there and the internet, even if you just type, okay, I'm interested in this and I want to do this. So, the groups are out there. The social skills groups are out there. It takes just a few seconds to find them and then to actually have the courage to go.

 

Jill Stowell: Right, right. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Molly, for sharing your insights. You gave us a lot of tools interspersed throughout this episode. So, thank you so much for that, for your heart, for helping kids and teens and young adults build the skills that are going to make connection possible for them. Thank you.

 

Molly Stuckey: Thank you. Thank you so much.

 

Jill Stowell: If you're a parent listening today and your child is struggling socially, remember this isn't about personality. It's about skills and skills can be developed. At Stowell Learning Centers, we help children and adults move beyond learning and attention challenges by strengthening the underlying skills that make learning easier.

 

When those skills get stronger, everything changes – reading, writing, focus, confidence, even stress around friendships and school. If this episode encouraged you, please like, subscribe and share it with another parent or educator who needs to know that real change is possible.