Episode 77: How to Support Your Dyslexic Teen – Jessyka Coulter

LD Expert Podcast with Jill Stowell
How to Support Your Dyslexic Teen - Jessyka Coulter
Fall into High School and Beyond 2024

 

Jessyka Coulter: Hey mamas! Welcome to Fall Into High School and Beyond. Jessyka Coulter here, the CEO and founder of Ace Cookie Tutoring and your summit hostess. At this event, we're empowering your teens to learn beyond today, and helping us do that is Jill Sto. She is the founder and executive director of Stowell Learning Centers. So Jill, thanks for joining us.

Jill Stowell: Well, thank you, Jessyka. I'm excited about this event.

Jessyka Coulter: Yeah, I love having you back. I don't know if mamas know, but this is actually our second interview. So I don't even know if I remember, Jill, exactly if we talked about dyslexia last time or not, but I'm excited to talk because you had so many awesome things to share. And I know our mamas are definitely listening and going, "Oh, tell me more about this dyslexia." Like what does it mean, what does it look like, and then I know we're going to dive into really how we help. So Jill, what do we need to know even to start the conversation?

Jill Stowell: Well, um, just so that you kind of know where I'm coming from, yeah, uh, in our centers, we help children, teens, and adults eliminate struggles associated with learning disabilities and dyslexia. And that is not the same as workarounds or coping strategies.

I remember a mom calling us shortly after she'd had a meeting at school, and at school they were going to give her son lots of accommodations, which is a good thing. But she called and she was so frustrated, and she said, "I don't want my son accommodated." And I get that because accommodations are not a long-term solution. They are helpful; they're just not a long-term solution.

The real problem for learning disabilities and dyslexia is weak or inefficient underlying skills that are getting in the way, kind of being roadblocks to students being able to learn as comfortably and easily as they could. And so to permanently change that, you have to identify and develop the lagging underlying skills so that the brain is getting the information that it needs to learn independently and comfortably.

So, um, we have four centers in Southern California, and we work remotely with students wherever they are. But that is really our focus, and so everything—dyslexia is one of my favorite topics—but I'm always coming from that standpoint of understanding the thinking style and then what can we do to make it easier.

Jessyka Coulter: And I love that you're going for eliminating and not just putting the Band-Aid on because I feel like that's what I do too as a study skills tutor. It's like, "Okay, your teen doesn't love to learn." Well, it's because he doesn't know how to learn. Why does he not know how to learn? Because he's never been taught how to learn through study skills. It's very, very similar. It's just a different matter of what are we helping with, what are we kind of, like you said, building those skills.

Jill Stowell: Right, right. Always getting underneath the symptoms that we're seeing to the real root of the problem so that it's sustainable.

Jessyka Coulter: Exactly. I think that we've got some mamas listening in who'd be very interested to know how you do that, Jill. Because I feel like saying you can get rid of or, you know, help kind of, you know, remove dyslexia in a way—I feel like that's a big order. So I'm curious, I mean, what's the first step? I mean, how does that even work?

Jill Stowell: You know, I recognize that is a very, very bold statement, and, uh, I feel really comfortable with that because first of all, there's a lot of brain research to back it up. And it's hard for me to believe this, but this is our 40th year, so we have been focusing on this population for a very long time.

If you interviewed people on the street, I'm sure at least nine out of ten would say that dyslexia is a permanent condition, but decades of brain research and clinical evidence show that that's not really true.

Dyslexia is really interesting because it's a thinking style. So it actually has some really, really big strengths associated with it, as well as, of course, the challenges with reading, writing, and spelling. And so the trick is we don't want to eliminate those strengths. Those are amazing, those talents. But we want to figure out what is it that's keeping this bright, creative, talented individual from being able to read and spell as easily as they could.

And so I think one of the easiest analogies I can give is kind of thinking of learning kind of like a ladder. And, you know, if you're doing a job at the top of a ladder, you want to know that those rungs on the ladder are secure and stable so that you feel really comfortable putting all your focus on that job up there and doing your best.

Well, if you think of reading, writing, spelling, math—all the academic subjects—as sitting up there at the top of the ladder, that's where kids have to work. And the rungs are like the underlying skills that support effective learning—things that we don't really teach or think about very much, but like memory, attention, auditory and visual processing—which isn't your hearing and your seeing, but how the brain actually perceives and thinks about information that comes in through the eyes and the ears.

So those kinds of skills are actually the rungs on the ladder. And for the dyslexic student, those auditory and visual processing rungs are usually not very stable. They actually think differently; they process that information differently. And so it just causes everything to be harder and take longer, even if they can read. And so if we really want to correct the challenges, then we have to really look at the auditory processing, the visual processing—what is going on there—and develop those underlying skills.

Reading is just not going to do the trick. You’ve got to get underneath the problem.

Jessyka Coulter: Wow, I'm fascinated, Jill, to hear that the auditory is not as strong in our dyslexic learners. Because for me, when I work with dyslexic students, I've noticed that a lot of teens are very auditory. That seems to be, like you mentioned, coping mechanisms—that seems to be what works for them. They're like, "Okay, I can't read it myself, but I've learned to be really good at hearing someone else say it because that's the only way I'm ever really going to get the chance to get the material if they don't know how to read themselves."

Jill Stowell: Absolutely. And that is actually something that we see all the time with dyslexia. There are different pieces of auditory processing, but they do tend to have good comprehension if you read it to them or you tell them—they get it. And that's one of the things that is so confusing about dyslexic students is, you know, they really get it.

Jill Stowell: And that's one of the things that is so confusing about dyslexic students is, you know, they really get it. And so it just kind of looks like when they don't do their assignments, when they don't do well on tests, it may look like they're just not studying, or they're not trying, or they're not that motivated. But the truth is, the reading is getting in the way.

And even if they're reading—I'm sure you run into some of these kids—they can read it, but it's so taxing. It takes so much mental energy, or they have to read it over and over and over.

I remember very early in my practice, I met a neurosurgeon who talked about how when he was in medical school, he didn't realize that he was dyslexic. But he had to spend like five or six times longer studying than anyone else in his class. And so, yeah, sometimes they can do it, but the cost is phenomenal as long as they're compensating for that issue.

Jessyka Coulter: Mm-hmm. I think about my own sister. She's not dyslexic, but if you have her just look at letters, like have her kind of go through a deck of flashcards of just letters, she can't tell you hardly any of them. And so what her kind of coping mechanism has been is to increase her vocab.

And like, it's kind of crazy cool how well she reads and just how long she's read at the level she has. And it was just a matter of her learning, "Well, this sort of letter goes with this sort of letter, and these are my options, and this is the only thing that makes sense in this sentence."

Jill Stowell: It's incredible.

Jessyka Coulter: It is incredible.

Jill Stowell: That's one of the things about dyslexic learners is they are incredible compensators. They know what they are supposed to do. They know how it's supposed to look, and they figure it out.

And even what you're describing there, yeah, she's got a good vocabulary. She's filling in the gaps all the time, and it's working.

Jessyka Coulter: Mm-hmm. It might be a little stressful on her end.

Jill Stowell: That's very true.

Jessyka Coulter: But she's making it work.

Jill Stowell: Exactly.

Jessyka Coulter: Now, I'm wondering, Jill—I'm thinking back to school here, and you mentioned the idea of coping mechanisms, we're talking about accommodations. So if we're in this back-to-school kind of trying to figure out how do I help my kid that is dyslexic—I mean, are there things their mamas need to know? Are there things they can do to help?

I mean, obviously, it'd be wonderful if every one of them would come and learn these skills that are missing. But kind of in the meantime, what are our options? I mean, what do you recommend?

Jill Stowell: You know, I have a couple of things. I think, first of all, if you're a parent, period, but especially a parent of a teen, you have to listen. You have to listen to them.

And especially if they're struggling—you know, if you are seeing that your teen gets, let's say they're just not passing their tests, or they're really resistant to any kind of homework that involves a lot of reading and writing—we're really good at just coming up with solutions. "Oh, well, try this," or "You need to do this," or "You've got to start your homework right as soon as you get home from school," you know, whatever. We're good at coming up with solutions.

But our teens especially, they really want to be independent. They want to come up with ideas on their own. And we, as parents and educators, we just have to keep in mind, whatever we see, there's a reason for it. There's a reason.

So if your child is resisting, if they're doing poorly on tests, ask gently—no judgment—and then listen. So you might say something like, "Hey, it seems like there's something hard about tests. Tell me about that." And they're not automatically going to know, but whatever they say, you just be interested, flush it out a little bit.

Because you may find that they just can't—they can't take the time to read carefully because they won't finish. Okay, well that's a red flag that's going to help us recognize that there's something more going on than they just aren't studying.

Or, you know, "Hey, I noticed reading and writing assignments seem to take a really long time. What do you think is going on there?"

And then secondly, that just sort of gives you an avenue to explore with your child and start to together figure out what's going on and come up with solutions.

And then secondly, if you think that your child might be dyslexic, and especially if you have a family history of dyslexia, and you know your child is struggling, I would encourage you to get testing.

It used to be really, really hard to find anybody that does dyslexia testing, but a lot of schools do now. That's become more mandated by the states in the last several years. But get testing.

And then together, learn everything you can about dyslexia or about whatever their specific neurodiverse thinking style is. Validate the strengths.

Jill Stowell: I mean, with dyslexia, you often see good comprehension. You often see real intuitive, high emotional intelligence, you know, where they just really get how other people are feeling. You see creative arts—lots of actors and artists and entrepreneurs and people who think out of the box and have these out-of-the-box problem-solving abilities.

Well, validate those things. Look at what your child is really good at and help them see, "Wow, because you are dyslexic or have a dyslexic thinking style, you also have these really cool things that you can think about and do."

Also, explore the challenges and what they need in order to be successful. You know, if they feel like, "Man, if I just had, you know, extra time on my test, I could do better," great. Now understand that, and they can, you know, advocate for that.

I know parents tend to be a little afraid of labels. And, you know, I don't think anybody should be put in a box of a label. But sometimes it's helpful.

I find our students are actually kind of relieved to know that there is something. I remember a high school boy who came in for testing. The testing was really hard—he was reading about a sixth-grade level, so he could read, but it was hard.

But at the end, I talked to him about what I saw, and he was so excited. I mean, he was almost skipping out of there because it was like, "Ah, I'm dyslexic. There's a reason why this is hard. It's not because I'm dumb. It's not my fault."

And so there is a lot of value to knowing and understanding and figuring out what you need.

Jessyka Coulter: I love what you just said, Jill. The idea of knowing that that teen isn't dumb. Because it's like Mom knew, you knew, but did that kid himself believe it until he really learned what was essentially wrong with him, even though there wasn't?

Jill Stowell: Yeah, right.

Jessyka Coulter: I just love those lightbulb moments. It's one of those cool things about what you get to do and what I get to do. We get to see a teen struggling, and then all of a sudden, we teach them the skills that they're missing, and it's like, "Oh yeah, this can be easy if you know what you need to know about what you don't know."

Jill Stowell: Exactly right. Exactly.

Jessyka Coulter: Yeah. Man, well, I'm looking at our time, Jill. Should we jump into your freebie? But I'm thinking I know we've also got mamas that are listening, like you said, that might be dyslexic. And then we might also have mamas that have older kiddos.

So I'm wondering, for any of our listeners, any teens that, you know, are kind of in that about-to-be-on-their-own stage, whether it's college or beyond, I wonder, is there anything we should talk about? Anything about dyslexia in the real world?

Because I'm thinking, you know, we put a dyslexic kid at a job, and you know, maybe we have some coping strategies, but maybe we still haven't gotten that far. Is there anything real-world application we should talk about?

Jill Stowell: You know, my—I mean, of course, my heart says go after the issue and get underneath it and correct those challenges because life is easier when that happens.

But in addition to that, you know, school is a hard place for dyslexic students. And I don't think that anybody should ever tell your child, "College is not for you." If there is something they want to do that involves going to college, then I would encourage having them get tested.

That's going to probably have to be with a psychologist who is going to give a diagnosis. But then in college, they can get help through the Students with Disabilities Center. And I know we don't really like that word, but, and that might not even be what it's called, but they can get help at school if they do have a diagnosis that they're going in with. So that helps them.

And the other thing is just a lot of times when students—when dyslexic students—get out of school, it opens the doors for them to really pursue the things that they are really, really good at.

So, you know, all along the way, you just want to be supporting those interests and developing those talents, as well as giving them the tools—the technology, you know—that will help them along the way.

Jessyka Coulter: Wonderful. I'm glad I asked because I was just thinking, I was like, you know, we might have some kids going off to college and being a little worried about how that piece fits in. So thank you.

Oh, well, I'm excited to hear about what you're offering our mamas, Jill. So, do you want to tell us about your freebie?

Jill Stowell: Well, what I'm going to encourage people to do is go to our website, StowellCenter.com/newsletter. That is the portal that signs you up for our newsletter, which gives you free resources and things.

But also, it allows you to get into the free resources section of our website where we have dyslexia accommodations. We have a whole packet of dyslexia accommodations. So if you are working with a teacher or you have a 504 plan, these accommodations are helpful.

You can get a free copy of my book, At Wit's End: A Parent’s Guide to Ending the Struggle, Tears, and Turmoil of Learning Disabilities.

We have an executive function cheat sheet, which I know learning how to, in the moment, help your students develop executive function skills is a big thing that people are always looking for.

And just lots of practical tools for parents. So StowellCenter.com/newsletter will get you into that space.

Jessyka Coulter: Beautiful. It's always awesome when you're offering more than just one thing, Jill. So thank you. It sounds like there's plenty of things to choose from, and I know some mamas are going to be like, "Yes, I want it all." So thank you.

All right, well, I've loved our interview, Jill. And I think that's a perfect place to wrap it up unless there's anything else you'd like to talk about.

Jill Stowell: Well, I hope you all have a really good school year. And, you know, if you haven't started your school year yet, just set up some routines. Or even at the very beginning of the school year, set up some routines from the very beginning. Structure around things that everybody agreed on together is very helpful.

Jessyka Coulter: I love that. Routines, routines. That's one of the things, yes, I talk about in organization.

And then I just realized, Jill, I didn't ask you for your socials and things. I know you gave your website. I'll make sure that links down below for the freebie. But are there certain platforms our mamas should look for you on?

Jill Stowell: We are on all the platforms—no thanks to me, but thanks to our social media manager. We're on all the platforms.

The one that I would say could really be helpful specifically is our YouTube channel. And we have a podcast and over a hundred broadcast episodes with professionals around the country to help students with mental health, executive function, learning challenges, and it's really for parents.

So it's called LD Expert, and that is our YouTube channel that I think would be really helpful.

Jessyka Coulter: Beautiful. I'm glad I asked. I was like, "Wait a minute, I almost forgot that part."

So Jill, thank you so much. And mamas, thank you so much for listening in. Have an awesome day, and keep your eye on your email for your next interview.

Both: Bye.